Losing someone so close and important is never easy, but today I’ll try to honour my grandmother or maa as I used to call her, though it’s impossible to do so in words. From little joys of giving us eclairs every time we entered her room to crying for us when we left for colleges her love was unconditional. We are so blessed to be living in the same house as our grandparents, and we were so lucky to have someone like her who would never let us leave her room empty stomach no matter what time of the day, her “kuch Khana hai?, “kuch khalo” every two minutes, despite us saying no numerous times is already missed so much. The picture of her sitting in the same position whenever I entered her room is something embedded in my mind, and I am glad because the transition of her being in her room and her being in that hospital bed is terrifying and I wish that on noone, not even my worst enemy. I loved her so much, she was pretty and humble and loving in a way that noone in my family is. And just like my nana, she took a part of me when she went away. Only if heartaches and tears could build a runway, I would fly my way to heaven and bring her back here. With her I lost someone, who I looked up to every single day, someone whose expectations of me doing well in life pushed me, my driving force who believed in me and appreciated me no matter what. When I cried, her eyes were watery because she couldn’t see me in pain, when my mother forced me to learn how to cook, she said “koini, aajkal kisi ko nahi aata, use padhai par Dhyan dene de .” She inspired me when she was here and continues to do so even in her absence.
While I am grateful for the time I had with her I wish I had more, more time to sneak in sweets for her when no one was around, to get more eclairs, to paint her nails with natural colours, to hug her and tell her I loved her with all the cells in my body.
We all will remember her and miss her forever. May God bless her soul, wherever she is. I miss u maa.
love
-A.
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